“Sometimes the best things for us aren’t necessarily the things we want.”
– Sara Farizan
You never know . . .
When I go on any trip, I always pack far more than what I need. I have given this behavior some thought and identified why I consistently do this.
First, I make a mental list of all I will do and pack the items needed for those activities.
Next, I think of all I might do and add those items.
Finally, I add emergency items as a backup for all the above things. After all, you never know if you might spill something on one of your outfits or your sandals might get damaged as you trip over some yet-to-be revealed object.
My husband will roll his eyes as he lifts my heavy suitcase on the way out, and will often remark that his packing habits are reasonable because his bag seems weightless in comparison. Mumbling a sarcastic remark as I walk out of the house, I know he’s right.
When I discovered that my packing habits reflect the way I approach life; I was astonished. I often worry about what I need and have worked to make sure I cover every scenario in my mind.
When a wise friend observed this behavior, he said, “Instead of making your life easier, as I believe is your intent, doesn’t this make it more stressful?” I paused, took a deep breath and realized he was right. I have bought into some myths we have concerning needs.
Five Myths We Buy into Concerning Needs
- Wants and needs are the same things.
I think it’s important to distinguish between wants and needs because they are not the same things. A want is something I might desire, and a need is something vital; crucial for sustaining my life. That we can want what we need can fool us into thinking the two are the same. Yes, there is some overlap here but only in one direction. We can want what we need but not need what we want. It’s important to distinguish the differences between the two.
- I can anticipate all needs, therefore, obsessive preoccupation concerning these is a good thing.
I am a person who thrives on order and organization. I must think out my daily schedule and plan at the beginning of each day; this gives me the feeling of control.
The problem is, I cannot control anything outside my own actions and reactions. Life is uncontrollable, so it is not possible to anticipate all of my needs in a day and make provisions for them. Making sure I am prepared to meet my basic needs for the day, such as making a lunch, and anticipating when I need to fill the gas tank are all I can do. Desperate preoccupation adds nothing but stress to my life.
- Worrying is a necessary component in getting what I need.
I am a professional worrier; it’s a default reaction to real and perceived difficulties. If I consider why I worry, it’s because I feel it’s a catalyst
for making sure I meet my needs; part of my daily checklist. Worrying goes hand in hand with myth number 2 because it’s an obsession. The problem with worrying is that it only adds stress to my life; it does nothing to provide for my needs. It’s a useless stress that serves not positive purpose.
- Anything I desire is what I need.
When I was first married, this myth didn’t fool me. Yes, I was younger, and not as wise, but the money my husband and I had was scarce. Student loans, car payments for the vehicles that were already several years old when we purchased them, and the fear of not being able to stretch our paychecks until the next payday loomed in my mind. Now, many years later, our income has improved, the graduate degree loans are smaller and money is not as tight; it’s easier to substitute wants for needs. Just because I desire something, does not make that thing something I need. It is vital to test each thing (described below) to sort out the difference between needs and wants.
- Because God promises in His word that He will provide for our needs, we need not take part in the process.
There are many verses in the Bible that tell us that God will provide for our needs. Philippians 4:19 says, “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus. Matthew 6:32 states that God knows what we need and provides.
Not only does the Bible state God knows our needs and provides, there are many examples of God doing that very thing. In Exodus 16, the children of Israel needed food as they traveled in the wilderness. God provides manna and quail for His people to eat. God also knew that our needs are not just restricted to those our bodies have. In John 8:1-22, Jesus provided what a woman needed and that was forgiveness.
As we trust that God will provide for our needs, we may entertain this final myth. Just because God promises that He will provide for what we need, thinking that we are passive receivers of this promise is wrong. Though God promises to provide, it does not negate our responsibilities. This is NOT a free ticket to doing nothing on our part; God expects that we work for these things.
Distinguishing Between
Wants and Needs
It’s obvious that wants can fool us into thinking they are needs, so what steps can we take to test the difference between the two?
First, we need to stop buying things impulsively. We can resolve to purchase nothing that we have not determined ahead of time. This gives us an opportunity to test if it’s truly something we need.
If we see something we haven’t planned on buying, give it the test of time. Don’t put the item in the cart; put some time between the initial thought of purchasing. If after a determined amount of time, you still feel you need it, purchase it.
Wants often involve buyer’s remorse
We’ve all purchased something that we later regretted. If this happens, it’s a sure indication that we were trying to satisfy a want rather than a need.
I do want to make a distinction here. Yes, we might need transportation so we can get to work but we don’t need a new car that is over our budget. Buyer’s remorse can be an
indication that we have made an unwise decision; listen to your gut.
Learning how to distinguish between a need and a want will make your life less stressful. It will free up your finances and allow you to appreciate the times you splurge on something you want.
