1537) Feeling unwanted is the terrible result of rejection and this feeling seeps deep into the gut. If you feel unwanted, there is a loneliness that tarries that’s different from if you were simply alone.
As a writer, I get rejections regularly. No from this magazine. No from this agent. No from this writing competition. These types of rejections don’t phase me as I know it is part of a professional writer’s life. The type of rejection I am focusing on here is one the does hurt; in fact, hurt may not be an accurate word. This type of rejection and feeling all alone can lead to depression and despair.
When I’m in this dark place, I cry out to God and sometimes; I get furious at him. Why doesn’t he answer me? Why does the sun keep going down and rising again, as if my despair doesn’t matter? After all, the world still goes on when I want to jump off.
What I want in times like this is what I find in John 4. Here, Jesus purposefully goes to Samaria, a place Jews strictly avoided, and sat down at a well. He waited for a culturally unimportant and sinful woman (five husbands and shacked up with the sixth) to come by. He talks to her and lets her know she is wanted.
When I feel unwanted and even despair, reading scriptures such as this one can become a source of irritation. Why doesn’t Jesus visit my house? Why isn’t He sitting by my side, listening as I cry? If only I could hear his audible words and let them wash away the feeling of rejection.
If you’re hoping I have the answer to these questions, I have to say; I know the theological reasons we are separated from God, but I don’t know why God and his son answer in this way with some and not me. If I were the Samaritan woman, I would feel so accepted and my heart would be warmed. Why God? Don’t you want me?
When despair is right in my face, it’s hard to see anything else because if I could, I’d realize there are other ways Jesus shows up. He might do it through a song; through the kindness of a stranger; through the unconditional love of an animal; through a breath-taking sunset; through those around me I thought didn’t care, and through his word in the Bible. Jesus is waiting for you at any of these places. It doesn’t have to always be at church or through a Bible study or a well, either.
If you are in a place in your life where you can only cry out, “Don’t you want me?” you are not alone. Dare to look around you and notice the “small” things God gives you that are easily discounted. After all, they are the big things.
Jesus is waiting for you wherever you are. He offers you the same thing he offered the woman in John 4: unconditional love and acceptance.
