Growing up, my siblings and I did some stupid things. We jumped ramps made of brinks and a bowed piece of plywood. We played “chicken” with firecrackers, lighting them and seeing who would hold them the longest before throwing them up in the air. We played tackle football in the road that ran in front of our house. It’s a wonder none of us wound up mortally wounded. I haven’t even had a broken bone!

Broken bones, I understand, can be a tricky thing to treat. When the doctor sets the bone, if something jars the fragile crack the doctors are hoping will mend, the bone will not grow back correctly

Sometimes, when this happens, the doctor must re-break it; a thought thatmakes me cringe. There are other things that can also break that have a fragilemending process and many do not involve bones.

Our day to day lives revolve around people that have broken relationships. The catalyst might be a history of abuse, words spoken in anger, unrealistic expectations, or a promise broken.Any of these things can cause a relationship to crack into unmendable pieces and when we experience these ourselves, it can be stunning.

For example, I had a friend I made while attending college. She and I grew close and did many things together. After graduation, we still got together when we could; she was even the maid of honor in my wedding. Two years after graduation, communication from her was not as frequent. I remember asking her if she was avoiding me. After this, I received a long letter from her, outlining the things I had said and done through the years of our friendship that bothered or hurt her. (I do want to make it clear before I go on, many of the things she said were legitimate issues.) I thought for awhile before I replied and when I did, I said I did not understand I came across that way and I explained what I was thinking with other things she pointed out. I apologized for these things but I told her I wished she had spoken up about these things. A week later, I received another message from her telling me she was ending our friendship. I can remember sitting in my living room, tears running down my face and thinking, “She never gave me a chance to make it better.” Broken relationships.

I have always had the philosophy that I will trust someone until they give me reason not to. I am finding in the21^st century, this may not be a prudent plan. There are many out there lurking waiting to take anything and everything from you. I’ve come in contact with people that think, if they’re dumb enough to trust me then they should get what’s coming to them.

Though our trust of strangers or people of casual acquaintance can break something within us, the more serious breaks come from people we should be able to trust. These individuals can stomp on our trust and the juice of betrayal oozes out. If you have experienced the devastation of a trust broken by one who should have been your ally, a person’s recovery can be complicated and,sometimes, impossible. Broken Trust.

A bad name is easy to live down to.

 You are conscientious. You work hard at your job, family life and at your church. It really doesn’t matter who you are, there will always be people waiting, with baited breath, to take you down. Sooner or later, everyone will have their reputations questioned and for some unfortunate people, your reputations ruined.

It only takes one accusation, one innuendo or one half-truth and your reputation is smashed into pieces. A broken reputation can be so demoralizing, a person may never recover. A bad name is easy to live down to. A person, who has a broken reputation may just give up, thinking, if this is what others think about me, I might as well be this way. Broken Reputations

I have always heard people being described as broken. Until it happened I did not understand what it meant. I’m thinking this is true of all of life’s difficult milestones. The death of a parent or a spouse; the betrayal of a friend; losing a job; the terminal diagnosis. All these things have the power to break someone. When it was my turn, I was totally blindsided. There was nothing I could have done ahead of time to prepare for it. I have, however, developed four truths concerning brokenness that have helped me in the healing process.

1. You have no control over what others do or say about you, but you can control what you do and say

When someone has broken your relationship, trust and/or reputation, shock can wash over you in waves.Sometimes you may not even know of others’ actions or what they are saying in the wake of destruction. As the flood waters settle, you inspect the damage. It becomes clear someone’s actions or words have crashed into the life you were living and left it in pieces. It does not help to retaliate. Walter Weckler said, “Revenge has no more quenching effect on emotions than salt water has on thirst.” In our emotional justice system, revenge may seem like a viable option but it does not produce healing.It is better to place your energy on things that will.

We can never control another’s actions but we can control our own. Ephesians3:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.”

We can make the choice not to use our words to destroy others and if we don’t feel we can resist using our words for revenge, saying nothing is a productive strategy.

2. Brokenness takes time to heal.

When some trauma has broken a bone in our body, more trauma will need to be endured in the setting of the bone to ensure healing. A parallel exists with our emotional,mental and spiritual healing. We may or may not need to seek professional help to bring healing but be aware, the pathway to healing is also painful.When some trauma has broken a bone in our body, you may need to endure more trauma  in the bone’s setting to ensure healing. A parallel exists with our emotional, mental and spiritual healing. We may or may not need to seek professional help to bring healing but be aware, the pathway to healing is also painful.

Our healing may include dredging up the event and revisiting it so that healthy processing can happen. This often requires acknowledgement of the hurt and forgiveness of those involved. All of these things are painful and take time. Expecting the thoughts and feelings of the broken events in our lived to heal sooner than later is unrealistic, so don’t fight it.Our healing may include dredging up the event and revisiting it so that healthy processing can happen. This often requires acknowledgement of the hurt and forgiveness of those involved. All of these things are painful and take time. Expecting the thoughts and feelings of the broken events in our lived to heal sooner than later is unrealistic, so don’t fight it.

3. Surround yourself with supporters.

If your brokenness results from something another has said or done to you, it’s tempting to isolate yourself for others. You might think, If I let no one else near me, I can’t get hurt like this again.

The problem is, God did not create us to disengage ourselves from others; we are social beings. James 5:16tells us there is healing for us in the prayers of others. Seek people you respect and lean on them during your time of brokenness.

Cry out to God, also, in your despair. Psalm 34:18 say, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crusted in the spirit.” God longs to help and heal you. Reach out to Him in your brokenness.

4. With brokenness there is new life.

Experiencing brokenness is never fun but if we allow the healing process in our lives, we can become better people than we were before the event happened. Jesus said in John 12:24,“Truly I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” The brokenness you endured has caused a death within you but it’s in this “death” you can be reborn. You will now understand and can help others when they experience brokenness in similar ways as you did. You cannot understand everything another is going through but you will know enough to be of help.

Brokenness is not a time of life anyone wants to welcome but when it does come our way, there is hope and help available.